original post: 6/1/2005

Through every religion, something is learned.

Through Christianity (Baptist)–the ultimate unconditional love and prayer.
Through Wicca–opening your mind, body, and soul to other abilities than many realize are available and realizing the spirit power in everything–every stone, every blade of grass, every fly.
Through Buddhism–meditation, the state of “is,” and the path of enlightenment.
Through the Catholic faith–that all faiths and religions can be one.

original post: 4/24/2005

So, I’ve already described heaven.
This then has raised the question: What is hell?

Hell is not a place, just as heaven is not a place. Heaven is a state of being–conected to everyone and everything. Hell is a state of being, too.

The Bible defines hell as separation from God (and I don’t remember the rest…I do remember hell being cast into the Lake of Fire though, hence the fire and brimstone that hell is commonly associated with.)

But at any rate, I do believe hell is a state of separation from God…and as God is connected to everything, you lose that connection too.

But, *It all boils down to forgiveness.*

In heaven, with your connection, you see how your actions have affected others. EVERYONE has actions they are going to regret, whether it’s words, attitudes, liest, theft, close-mindedness, or even murder.
God can forgive you for each of these and more.
But the question is…can you forgive yourself?

I believe some of us cannot. Some of us are so horrified by the results of our actions that we allow them to haunt us for eternity. We wallow in this great depression, unable to forgive ourselves, and so we become absorbed in torturing ourselves (if unknowingly.) It is as if we wrap ourselves in chains. We punish ourselves, and in our misery, we cut ourselves off. We do not feel anything else but the horrors of our incidents. This is the separation from God–the separation from everything. We spend eternity wishing we had done something different.

That is hell. Our own hell. God doesn’t condemn us to hell, we condemn ourselves.

original post: 4/21/2005

This is why I disagree with the Baptist faith, and leaning more towards Buddhism (although I do not know a whole lot about Buddhism, except that they meditate a lot…I need to get on the ball and learn more.)

I’ll start with the Baptists. The Baptists believe praying is the way to talk to God.
I can agree with that, to an extent. But, in praying, we only usually ask God for things and thank God.
We don’t actually have conversations with God. Prayers are very one-sided.
Baptists generally don’t teach anything about meditation. But I think meditation should go hand-in-hand with prayer. Meditation is where you can receive answers from God. Where God will tell you snippets of his plan, or the way things work. It can throw you in situations, and you not know a thing about it–just trust it blindly. And that is fine. But it’d be nice to know why you’re there, or what’s going on, yes? Not necessary, but nice. You can.

This is how I’ve come up with all this stuff recently. I didn’t necessarily realize I was meditating…but I put myself in a very relaxed state each time, and allowed my mind to wander. It’s taught me much about why things happen and what to do.

We have to be in this relaxed state in order to here what God has to say. We can’t hear it when our minds are otherwise occupied. We need to free our minds, allow them to go where they will.

Another random tidbit that I don’t agree with the Baptists for…God is energy, and end-all be-all spiritual being, not in the form of human as the Baptists would have us believe “God created man in His own image.” The way I interpret that, God had an image of what man should be, and created man from that.
With that in mind, I finally figured out the Trinity (I had it mostly figured out all along…but something just clicked, like…duh!)
Yeah, so God the father…as a father to Jesus…because Jesus technically didn’t have a father, not a biological one anyway…so God impregnated Mary, so if anyone was his father, God was…and God was the only father he knew…
God the son…because Jesus is God in the form of man, and the son of God, this one’s the easiest to get. (which, to further my point above…if God was in human form–if “God’s image” meant God’s body–why would God need to send itself in the form of His son to Earth?
and God the holy spirit…is this being of energy and spirit that I keep speaking of.

So with that, I figured out why the Baptists keep calling God a “Him.” Solely on God the Father and God the Son. So now, God the father and God the sons are both Hims in my book…but God the holy spirit, which I most often refer to, is still an it…no gender. only energy.

Now for something completely different…

My English teacher got off subject…and so we ended up discussing the differences between Ethics and Morals. She said she figured it out, like a lightbulb–Ethics are what we ought to do, and Morals are what we actually do. I beg to differ. Ethics is what is right in the eye of society, and Morals are what we actually believe in. We can go against our morals and regret it later. I’ve done it before.

original post: 4/20/2005

Is it really rude to stare?

Making eye contact is an acknowledgement of a link between you and another person…the link that you are both human, you both have a soul, and you are both intelligent creatures.
A stare is the spiritual link extending further than simply “an acknowledgement.” The stare allows a person to access the other individual. Access who they are, their thoughts, emotions, everything.
Thus, the individuals both get uncomfortable with this link. Often the link will be broken quickly.
And, since people realize it makes them uncomfortable, they have dubbed it “rude,” and often try to avoid eye contact altogether.
However, most people A) do not realize that there is a link, and B) do not know how to get in. It requires an open, enlightened mind for the link to work fully as intended.
Which is a shame.

original post: 4/19/2005

I was randomly thinking in the bathtub, and my thoughts somehow wondered to life after death God and spirituality and freewill and reincarnation.

So, this is what I think of it all:

When we get to where we’re going, the heavenly spirit I tend to call God (out of habit and a lack of another name only, for the heavenly spirit I mention is similar, but unlike the other “God’s” out there) will give us the impression that it gave us freewill and life…so why didn’t we live freely?? In this, I am mostly referring to rules, regulations, religions, and churches. Like this “no dancing” rule. God gave us hips that could be swayed, why not sway them? It seems many of these rules are restrictive where they shouldn’t be. However, this definately does not refer to how we treat our fellow human beings…such as the Golden Rule. We are all connected, and when we get to so-often-called “heaven” (which I will use for the same reasons as I use the term God) we will see that when we hurt others, we hurt ourselves, and when we make others happy, in turn we make ourselves happy. To some it is hard to realize this, to me it is plain and simple. Part of this is a result of my empathic nature–I can feel what everyone else feels, their experiences can become mine, even if I have never truly experienced it. I believe when we get to heaven, everyone will have this empathic nature, and will be able to feel what everyone else feels. There will be no need for words. What are words anyway? It is a way to communicate thoughts, ideas, and emotions. In the spiritual realm, there is no need to verbalize–for our thoughts will be communicated from one “mind” to another. Telepathy. Thus, this is how everyone can feel every emotion. This is also why time has no meaning in heaven–everything everywhere is happening all at once, and you can feel it all and understand it all, at once. Every death, every birth, every joy, every pain, every sorrow, every orgasm, every backstab, every PMS symptom, every ounce of anger, every thought, every hope, etc. can be heard, understood, felt, all at once. This is why everyone…I don’t feel right using the term SHOULD…I know it is in their best interests, but they do not all realize it yet…it is their choice…I don’t know the right term…so I will use should…Everyone should be kind to one another, and shouldn’t try to hurt anyone else.
I do not know if reincarnation exists (I believe it does now though, as a choice), but if it does exist, my spirit is very old; otherwise, I would not be enlightened in this manner. Also, being an empath is a sign of an old spirit; the ability to read what people are saying and feeling when no words are spoken isn’t just relying on the 5 senses given to us as humans born on this world. The ability to do such is of the spiritual realm.

If I were a young soul, I would be the next Joe B. I wouldn’t do anything for the world, I would be living in it selfishly for me. I would have no morals, I wouldn’t care. I wouldn’t be trying so desperately to get my messages out there to the world. They wouldn’t matter.

original post: 5/15/2004

…Did I mention B’s mom is AWESOME? …She shares so many viewpoints I do…she brought up how she don’t like how people tend to have a mask…they’re not true to themselves…and I whole-heartedly agree…she brought up an interesting point tho…in a way, wearing all black is a mask…because no it isn’t me…but it’s showing how I want to not be like everyone else…and loved for myself, not for my looks…and that is a part of my personality too…so in a way, it is a mask…in a way, it is not…it’s an intentional mask, so that they’ll see who I am instead of how pretty I am, and I’m very aware of it. It’s not like everyone else’s…where people will use something to hide who they really are, to lie to people, to up the ranks in society, to look better in everyone’s eyes. Anyways…that’s what I got from reflecting on our conversation some more…I love getting into a conversation with her…she reminds me of me.

original post: 3/5/2004

So…I have been *trying* to figure out what I want to do with my life.

It’s what I want…but more importantly, it’s what my parents want. ~sigh~
So my rents have been taking me to see this counselor…to get me help in finding a career path…and as another voice to try to get me to take medication for my ADD.

So, I’ve come up with all sorts of career paths for myself…and nearly every one has been shot down, they have to say something about it to discourage me. They don’t encourage me at all! And right now…I know what it’s going to have to take…I need encouragement.
Marine Biology – You’re going to have to complete college! You can’t do that while you’re not medicated! Plus, marine biologists don’t make much money, and it’s too competitive of a field!
Singing – well I shot down that one, I don’t have a great voice, plus it’ll take a lot to get anywhere with that.
Paint and body repair…which would lead to possibly making my own body kits – You’re going to be hanging around a bunch of guys high on paint fumes, that don’t have high hopes for their futures! You must not have high hopes for your future if you plan on that! (which at this point…I no longer do.)
Anything else automotive – You’re going to be hanging around a bunch of vulgar grease-monkeys! You’re not strong enough, you’ll hurt yourself!
Photography – That’s a hobby, not a career! You’ll get nowhere!
Engineer – You’ll have to complete college! Take pills!

(god damn I was whiney…but now I can change/add to the list: singing due to difficulty to get into the business, regardless of how far I’ve come; songwriter; translator/linguist; audio engineer; graphic designer; medical sonographer; other medical technician-type jobs; etc. etc. etc. …and it doesn’t have anything to do with my parents anymore, it’s all about me and self-sabotage.)

original post: 10/10/2003

I think I figured out why my dances every night are so spiritually moving…

…As I dance…I feel…
the flames of the candles, the warmth emitting from them
the sweat on my belly and back, cool
the wind on my face, thru my hair, around my arms
the earth, the carpet give way to my feet
and the heat of my life force pumping thru me

the four elements…kinda interesting…five if you count the last one as spirit…yet these are and have been the things I notice.

then…

it’s almost like…
when I sing with it, I sing out the sorrows of my life and dance the happiness within it.

…and so the song, the dance almost becomes the story of my life to me, as I replay memories of it in my mind’s eye.

I don’t know if I look like a retard while I’m doing it, or if I look sexy…probably a bit of both. But it is truly from the heart and the soul, free-flowing. It changes every time, and yet remains the same. The beat, the heart of the song remains constant…the ideas of the dance, theories behind it, remains constant…yet the dance always changes. However, it always seem to end w/ me either kneeling or lying down on the ground, almost like me laying down my life.

…those thoughts are…inspiring to me. I love it.

I won’t stop my dance until I die.

(I no longer think that in particular was why it was so meaningful to me…but still.)

original post: 10/10/2003

I think my Evanescence streak has finally, totally died.

(I added this one because I have to laugh – my Evanescence streak NEVER died.  They’re still my favorite band.)

original post: 10/9/2003

I’m discovering more and more lately, that I am the happiest now that I’ve been in years. I’ve been rediscovering things I used to love to do.

I love to dance…all alone…all my candles lit, listening to almost Celtic-type dance music (Loreena McKennitt)…do my own thing. I’ve done that for the past three nights now, and I really enjoy it. I haven’t danced like this in ages. It’s almost…religious to me, a very spiritual thing for me to do. I don’t have any idea why, I just love doing it.

(note to self: this was recently after I had started dating Ryan…and start dancing again!)